hello monday.

Why is it so hard to feel happy and grateful sometimes?

I was thinking about your Tuesday post this morning, and I completely agree. Tuesdays are difficult.  Even more difficult when you wake up thinking Monday is Tuesday – then realize it’s only Monday. Yuck. That’s where I find myself today.

It’s a beautiful day outside, the apartment is tidy and I’m here with Clinton. All the same, I can’t seem to focus on those things.  I have to work tonight and I’m dreading it. I don’t want to go. At all.

I’ve been trying to dodge the depression that sets in on these late work days (and frequently on Sunday nights); but the knowledge that I’m only an hour away from climbing into the car to head towards another 10 hour day of stress and unreasonable expectations makes me want to cry and shut down.

I’m looking forward to the reward of a long weekend, but today, it seems much too far away.

I know that I’ll get through it – I’m just tired of “getting through it”.  You know?

I’m feeling better than I was an hour ago, and it’s still better today than it was a week ago, a month ago, a year ago. . . I tell myself that one day soon there will be just a “now” that I can live in and be content and present.  I’ve had glimpses of it and I know its there.  Soon!

"Me as I want to be." Self Portrait.